i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
