can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
