Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
