He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
