Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
