Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My liver just had a heart attack.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
