I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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