well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
