I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
