Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The beer is more important than you right now.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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