ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
