we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
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He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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