I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
