So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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