the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize