just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
