she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
