happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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