another moral hangover. fuck.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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