if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Everclear isn't food dammit
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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