And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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