It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
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Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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