A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just made out with a guy for $7.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
