I want to walk on stilts...naked
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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