If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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