so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
