I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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