My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Are we still banned from the library?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
