thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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