drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
