she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
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It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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