I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize