Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize