I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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