i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
