I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
