Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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