Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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