I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
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She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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