my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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