I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
