No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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