No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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