At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
