Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
