And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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