Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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