He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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