Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
