My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
