dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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