Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Drake has all the answers
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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