Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
