yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
