I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
we're making bets on your personal life
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
