soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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