also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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